I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
