dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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