So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
