Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
