I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
