32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
