He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize