I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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