Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
