You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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