We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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