I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
