I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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