we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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