Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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