You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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