Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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