Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
