As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
