and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
