Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize