I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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