he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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