She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
