update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
