matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize