I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize