i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
