no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
