My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I smell stomach acid.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
