u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
