I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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