I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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