You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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