In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
