jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
