well you can't waste a boner
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
