Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
