I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
