was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Barsexuality is the new black.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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