Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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