fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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