I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
