So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
