you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My liver just broke up with me...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
