Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
false alarm, still single
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