What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
