This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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