I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize