My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
