I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
