That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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