i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
