return my video game
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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