I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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