his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
