so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
