I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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