i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize