1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
