He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
