I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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