woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My liver just had a heart attack.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How does one acquire holy water?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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