wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
