I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
