He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
