Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize