Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you win again, gameday.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
