I swear she didn't look like that last week.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
