OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
