Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
