i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
