Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
