Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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