I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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