shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
