We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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