I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
