Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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