I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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