Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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