**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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