Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
