why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
