i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
