Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
