dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
