i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
