Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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