BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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